Questionnaire: Are you Troubled By Someone's Drinking?

Millions of people are affected by the excessive drinking of someone close. The following twenty questions are designed to help you decide whether or not you need Al-Anon:

1. Do you worry about how much someone else drinks? ____
2. Do you have money problems because of someone else's drinking? ____
3. Do you tell lies to cover up for someone else's drinking? ____
4. Do you feel that if the drinker loved you, he or she would stop drinking, to please you? ____
5. Do you blame the drinker's behavior on his or her companions? ____
6. Are plans frequently upset, or cancelled, or meals delayed because of the drinker? ____
7. Do you make threats, such as, "If you don't stop drinking, I'll leave you "? ____
8. Do you secretly try to smell the drinker's breath? ____
9. Are you afraid to upset someone for fear it will set off a drinking bout? ____
10. Have you been hurt or embarrassed by a drinker's behaviour? ____
11. Are holidays and gatherings spoiled because of drinking? ____
12. Have you considered calling the police for help in fear of abuse? ____
13. Do you search for hidden alcohol? ____
14. Do you often ride in a car with a driver who has been drinking? ____
15. Have you refused social invitations out of fear or anxiety? ____
16. Do you sometimes feel like a failure when you think of the lengths you have gone to control the drinker? ____
17. Do you think that, if the drinker stopped drinking, your other problems would be solved? ____
18. Do you ever threaten to hurt yourself to scare the drinker? ____
19. Do you feel angry, confused or depressed most of the time? ____
20. Do you feel there is no one who understands your problems? ____

We share our experience, strength, and hope

The Al-Anon Family Groups  are a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics who share their experience, strength, and hope, in order to solve their common problems. We believe alcoholism is a family illness and that changed attitudes can aid recovery.

Recovery  I don’t live with all the internalized anger any more. I’m better at honoring myself by setting boundaries, but doing so in a soft way, one that isn’t mean or confrontational. I have learned that I have choices, and that I am responsible for myself. I found tremendous joy in discovering who I am. I feel less and less the need to play the victim or martyr. I know now that the alcoholic didn’t choose his disease. I have only compassion for him and myself. Al-Anon allowed me to learn about alcoholism in a safe place. It also gave me the tools to learn about myself. ~ Kim S.

Newcomer  "Live in the solution, not the problem." That was the very first thing I heard when I began in Al-Anon. That phrase was the foundation for my recovery. Immediately, I knew that there were solutions to my pain. Of course, in the beginning, I wanted the solutions for how to get my alcoholic sober. I never did find those solutions in Al-Anon, but I did learn some solutions to my own problems:
•  Attitude is everything - change my attitude and the world changes around me
•  Act my way into right thinking rather than think my way into right acting
•  Alcoholics drink - that is what they do; it is not personal
•  Take care of myself; that is personal and a full time job
•  Find God
These solutions to my problems were wonderful. I soon realized that my best thinking got to me into Al-Anon. Since my thinking wasn't helping me, it seemed only logical to try out solutions that seemed to work for others. ~ Ally G.

Membership  I gained structure from the Al-Anon program. I gained understanding from the experience, strength and hope of other members. With further contact came personal knowledge of the healthy effects of recovery. Letting go of my focus on the drinker did not cause the situation to get worse. Instead, I became progressively direct, confident and effective at getting my personal needs met. When I'm confronted by alcoholism, the clarity of the Al-Anon perspective allows me to make honest and uncomplicated decisions. As the chaos and frustration clears away, I find in its place a great store of compassion -- for my acquaintances and friends, my family members and also for myself. ~ Kent S.

Sponsor  I want to share how I applied the program to a recent tragedy in my life. One of the women I sponsor in Al-Anon died in a traffic accident. For three days afterward, I went into obsessive sadness. So I decided to try to see something positive in her tragedy.
   I remembered that she had been working on Step 9. I had discussed with her how I did my Step 9. I put God at the top of my list of amends, because when I came into Al- Anon, I felt no need to ask God for help. I had assumed that I had always handled things myself. But after several months in the program, I realized I could not come out of the emotional pain without help from God.
   So Beth said, “I want to make amends to God first also.” Two weeks before she died, she wrote her amends to God. She also wrote amends to herself for the harms she had done to herself. On remembering that, I realized the most important thing in life was being right with God, and I know Beth was right with God. So I felt peace with that. The obsessive sadness disappeared and I was again able to see the beauty in days. ~ Yvonne E.

Sponsee  My favorite tool is the 11th step. "Asking only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry it out" quickly changes my thinking and then my feelings. I’m no longer alone with a challenging situation. I’m tapping into the power that is greater than me, that is constantly available to me now that I have worked the steps. But most of all, doing the 11th step under duress gives me space to breathe. I remember that I am an adult with recovery. I have options. I can relax. I don’t have to figure everything out alone. I can let go and let God and move on to the next moment of my day. ~ Maureen

Friends  My favorite memory is from an Al-Anon meeting I attended when I was out of town. I was scared to continue on and to go home to my alcoholic. A member hugged me and whispered in my ear, "Take God's hand and walk the path of life with him. You will never be alone, and everything will be OK." ~ Ally G.

Friend  I have learned to hate, and respect, the word "codependent". It has become a beacon for me in my everyday affairs. This awareness is allowing me to quiet my internal monologue and really focus on others without trying to fix things for them. I am becoming more comfortable while listening to others share at meetings. I am at ease telling myself to Let Go and Let God. Awareness is giving me back my ability to trust and know that what will happen is what is meant to happen. All I need to do is step out of the way. My willingness to open myself to awareness is allowing me to glimpse and, at times, experience absolute serenity. ~ NMW